dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
