don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
