Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
