her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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