he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
