If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
