She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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