but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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