I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My ATM looks so different sober.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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