Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
