So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My life is pants optional.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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