if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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