Quick, to the slutcave!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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