: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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