it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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