He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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