I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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