She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
