dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
