I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
