If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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