i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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