thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize