the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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