At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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