She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
