you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
