you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i think i have two assholes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
