it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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