Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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