How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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