ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
