It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
