operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
