It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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