So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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