I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Floor bacon is actually really good
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
