its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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