She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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