He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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