i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
