if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
