He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
