Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My life is pants optional.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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