dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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