I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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