i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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