You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
