It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
