We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
