just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
