i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
