and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My bed smells like the plague
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
