walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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