Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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