He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize