his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
