I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
