Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
