I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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