watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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