AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
