mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
