This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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