that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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