the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
