Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
