Porn is love you can see.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
