When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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