this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
