Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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