Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
