I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
