If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
