So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
