i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
